Doctorate in Atheism (D.A.) and Requirements - "Satira Facetiae et Absurdum"

Doctorate in Atheism (D.A.) and Requirements - "Satira Facetiae et Absurdum"

The Doctorate of Atheism (D.A.) is the highest degree in the field of non-belief, awarded to those who have demonstrated unparalleled expertise in denying the existence of deities while refusing to provide alternative explanations for existence itself.

Curriculum Overview:

Atheistic Evasion Tactics 101 – Mastering the art of dodging existential questions with phrases like "We don’t have to answer that."

The Science of Mockery – How to replace logical arguments with snide remarks and Twitter memes.

Confirmation Bias Seminar – Selectively reading only material that agrees with your predetermined conclusion.

Burden of Proof Gymnastics – Advanced techniques in shifting the burden of proof while insisting you have no belief at all.

Existential Nihilism for Beginners – Coming to terms with the idea that nothing ultimately matters, yet passionately arguing that it does.

Historical Revisionism – Learning to argue that all religious people throughout history were irrational, despite their contributions to science, philosophy, and ethics.

The Richard Dawkins Fan Club Internship – A deep dive into using sarcasm as an academic rebuttal.

Thesis Requirements:

Must include at least 300 pages of mockery, interspersed with occasional scientific references that don't actually address the metaphysical question at hand.

A final dissertation defense where students must answer every question with “We just lack belief” while avoiding any logical framework for their stance.

Career Opportunities:

Social Media Atheist Warrior – Arguing with strangers online while avoiding philosophical depth.

Armchair Physicist – Quoting quantum mechanics out of context to prove that nothing exists.

Professional Strawman Builder – Constructing false representations of theism to easily knock them down.

YouTube Comment Section Expert – Where all real intellectual battles take place.

Honorary Title:

Graduates of the Doctorate of Atheism receive the prestigious title:

"Professor of Nothing-in-Particular, Master of Evasion, and Lord of the Logical Loophole."

Congratulations! You are now fully certified in disbelief!

_____________ REQUIREMENTS _____________

Requirements for Admission & Completion of the Doctorate in Atheism (D.A.)

(Because why believe in standards when you can just lack belief in them?)

Admission Requirements:

To be eligible for the prestigious Doctorate in Atheism (D.A.), applicants must meet the following criteria:

1. Demonstrated Lack of Belief – You must be able to confidently say, "I just lack belief" while simultaneously holding strong opinions against religious belief.

2. Zero Burden of Proof Proficiency – A required essay on "Why I Never Have to Defend My Position, but Everyone Else Does."

3. Evidence Aversion Certification – A minimum of five years avoiding philosophical and scientific arguments that challenge your worldview.

4. Memetic Excellence – Applicants must submit a portfolio of at least 20 Twitter, Reddit, or Facebook posts featuring sarcastic quips and Dawkins quotes.

5. Quantum Mechanics Name-Dropping – Ability to say "Quantum fluctuations prove everything came from nothing" while avoiding actual physics discussions.

6. Enrollment in the “Burden Shifting Olympics” – Training in responding to arguments with “Prove God exists!” while never having to prove anything yourself.

Core Curriculum & Graduation Requirements:

Year 1: Foundational Atheistic Evasion Techniques

Introduction to the God Delusion – Memorizing Dawkins' talking points without critically analyzing them.

Philosophy? No Thanks! – Dismissing 2,500 years of philosophy in favor of "Science will explain it someday."

The Pascal’s Wager Avoidance Workshop – Learning to dodge uncomfortable consequences of being wrong.

Year 2: Advanced Atheistic Deflection

Mockery as Methodology – Why making fun of believers is just as good as refuting their arguments.

Appeal to Science Without Understanding It – How to mention evolution, the Big Bang, and neuroscience without actually reading scientific papers.

The Self-Refuting Atheist's Guide to Morality – Insisting morality is subjective while still claiming religious morality is “wrong.”

Year 3: Master-Level Atheistic Argumentation

Fine-Tuning Fallacies – Saying “If the universe weren’t fine-tuned, we wouldn’t be here to notice!” and hoping no one asks for further clarification.

Theodicy Dodging – How to only talk about the Problem of Evil while never addressing the Problem of Good.

The “Flying Spaghetti Monster” Dissertation – Submitting an argument that was outdated the moment it was conceived.

Final Thesis & Graduation Requirements:

To successfully earn a Doctorate of Atheism, candidates must:

✅ Defend a thesis that contains at least:

100 instances of the phrase "Religion is a fairy tale."

50 memes misrepresenting theology.

At least 10 sarcastic one-liners that substitute for arguments.

✅ Pass the Debate Final Exam:

First round: Avoid answering any direct questions.

Second round: Shift the burden of proof onto the theist while denying your own position.

Final round: Say “Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence” and leave the debate before anyone asks for proof of naturalism.

✅ Write a research paper titled: "How to Say ‘I Don’t Believe in God’ 500 Different Ways Without Ever Examining My Own Beliefs."

Honorary Titles & Career Paths

Upon completion, graduates will receive the esteemed title:

"Supreme High Priest of The Lack of Belief, Grandmaster of the Dodge, and Twitter Scholar in Mockery & Misdirection."

Career options include:

Professional Internet Commentator – Perfecting the art of replying "Sky Daddy isn’t real!" in every online discussion.

Facebook Theology Expert – Sharing outdated memes as irrefutable evidence.

YouTube Atheist Ranter – Reading Wikipedia articles out loud for profit.

Professor of Non-Belief Studies – Teaching courses on why saying “I don’t know” is good enough.

Why This Meaningless Degree Matters

The Doctorate in Atheism (D.A.) is designed for those who wish to avoid accountability, reject logic, and pretend to be intellectually superior while never offering a substantive argument. If you excel in evasion, mockery, and burden-shifting, then this program is for you!

Enroll today! (No divine intervention required.)