Essay draft for publication in The Psychology of Belief under the thematic category of Relational Theology and Emotional Avoidance:

The Hidden God and the Hidden Heart:

Fear-Avoidance, Divine Hiddenness, and the Architecture of Trust**

By William W. Collins
Author of Divine Physics: The Intersection of Faith, Science, and the Human Psyche

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In the long ache of unanswered prayers, or the quiet despair of unmet emotional needs, we encounter a common cry: “Where did You go?” Whether addressed to God or a lover, the essence is the same: we expected intimacy, but received silence.

This essay draws an unexpected but profound parallel between two seemingly separate experiences:

• The divine hiddenness of God, as encountered in spiritual struggle,
• And the emotional hiddenness of the fear-avoidant partner, as lived in romantic grief.

Both—though vastly different in source—operate on the same architecture of love and freedom.

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I. Hidden, Not Absent

God, in the Christian tradition, is not silent out of cruelty.
He is veiled out of reverence for freedom.
Likewise, the fear-avoidant individual is not necessarily cold or uncaring—
they are often overwhelmed by the heat of what they feel.

The veiling is not a rejection. It is a form of emotional shielding.
We mistake it as neglect.
In truth, it is a call for trust that does not force response.

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II. Love That Must Be Chosen, Not Coerced

This is the deepest mirror between the divine and the human.
A God who forces belief does not invite relationship.
A partner who is coerced into love does not arrive with their full self.

The lover who says,

“If you really loved me, you would make it obvious…”
asks for control, not communion.

God, like the fear-avoidant, leaves space—
Not to punish,
but to invite love that is voluntary, not transactional.

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III. Ambiguity as Protection

Many accuse God of being unclear.
And rightly so, if clarity is seen as a prerequisite for trust.

But ambiguity isn’t deception.
It’s often the scaffolding of maturity.

In a relationship with a fear-avoidant partner, ambiguity manifests as:

• Vague plans
• Shifting emotional boundaries
• Sudden withdrawal after intimacy

In spiritual language, it feels like unanswered prayer, like distance from the Divine.

But in both cases, the space is not empty.
It is sacred tension, meant to protect the possibility of free response.

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IV. The Parallel of Painful Distance

To the one who waits, both God and the avoidant lover feel devastatingly similar:

• Unreachable
• Uncertain
• Unwilling to offer closure

But distance, in both domains, is often the crucible of growth.

It is where one learns:

I do not love because it is easy.
I love because it is real.
And I remain—not to prove anything,
but because truth has no need to chase.

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V. The Posture of Return Must Be Freely Chosen

God does not drag us back.
He waits.
He weeps.
He opens the door
and lets us walk through it
when we are ready.

Likewise, you cannot chase a fear-avoidant into emotional safety.
You can only build the sanctuary—
and leave the light on.

Love cannot be coerced, even by devotion.
It must be returned freely.
Anything else is bondage masquerading as care.

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Conclusion: Trust Beyond Visibility

To those loving someone hidden:
whether Divine or human,
your task is not to force proof,
but to remain whole in the tension between absence and presence.

Your stillness becomes the anchor.
Your clarity becomes the doorway.
Your integrity becomes the atmosphere in which love might
someday
return.

And if it does?

You’ll meet it, not as a beggar—
but as a man who never left himself to be loved.

Copyright, William W. Collins, May 27, 2025